


You Never Know What Really Matters Until It's Gone (or, literally a fic about a robot monkey)

by almost3am



Category: No Fandom
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Crack, Crack and Angst, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I Don't Even Know, Monkeys, Robot Feels, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-17
Updated: 2019-09-17
Packaged: 2020-10-20 11:21:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20674553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/almost3am/pseuds/almost3am
Summary: Tragedy strikes the monkey community, as one of their own meets his sudden demise. wait was he ever alive at all





	You Never Know What Really Matters Until It's Gone (or, literally a fic about a robot monkey)

**Author's Note:**

> i don't know why i made this either, don't ask.
> 
> this doesn't really make any sense without the context of [this story/video.](https://metro.co.uk/2017/01/11/distraught-monkeys-mourn-death-of-robotic-monkey-spying-on-them-6375436/amp/?__twitter_impression=true)
> 
> it doesn't really make any sense with it, either.

My name is Bobi, Bobi the monkey. And tragedy has befallen us in the monkey clan.

Some days ago -- I don't bother keeping count, because who does that kind of thing -- a strange new monkey arrived. He did not speak. He did not scamper around or complain about others scampering. He did not poop, nor did he fling poop. He did not sleep, which was the strangest thing, but he also didn't snore like Biba, so we thought it wasn't such a bad deal.

The elder of the tribe christened him with the name Steve, which was strange because we can't even pronounce Steve. Neither can Steve. Steve cannot pronounce anything.

And yet, he was lovingly accepted, despite his differences. While we talked and sang, he sat there. While we picked lice off each other's backs, he sat there. And while we went to harass visiting humans too distracted by instagramming our adorable antics to notice Bobobi sneaking up behind them to steal their sandwiches, he... he still just kinda sat there.

We were all inspired by his passion, his passion for just sitting there, only rivaled by his passion for moving his head slightly. They were his favorite activities. He wouldn't eat when he was just sitting there, or when he was moving his head slightly -- that's just how dedicated he was to his favorite activities. In fact, he never ate anything. Probably explains the lack of poo.

But then, tragedy struck.

I mean, first off, we never should have let Biba hold him. That asshat has the worst butterfingers I've ever seen. Dropped a lemur directly onto my aunt's head one time and she wouldn't stop screaming about it for hours. I think, I don't know what an hour is.

But then Biba climbed out on the branch, and we all watched as Steve tumbled helplessly to the ground.

We watched as he laid there, motionless. Slightly more motionless than usual. Instead of sitting there, he was laying there. And instead of moving his head slightly, he was not doing that thing.

Something was terribly wrong.

The entire tribe gathered round - Bobo and Bobobo, Booboo and Boboo, Babo, Bibi, Bebo, Booba. Biba was there too, gently sniffing the crotch of the fallen child, as is the ancient monkey custom.

"Yep, he's dead," said Biba. What a fucking bastard. Should have killed him with that coconut last spring while nobody was looking. Stupid. Stupid Bobi.

"Should I like... go toss him in the river or something?" Biba said. "What do monkeys even do with dead bodies? Fuck me, I'm a monkey and I don't even know."

And so this is the story of how tragedy befell the monkey tribe, but it is also a tale of renewal and hope -- for on that day, after giving Steve a proper burial, we finally all agreed it was time to kill Biba too.

Tomorrow, there will be more lice to pick and more sandwiches to steal, but the monkey tribe will always remember two things: the noble sitting of Steve, and the way that Biba's body floated down the river after we tossed it in, stupidly and without any purpose, just like this story you just wasted time reading seriously it's about a fucking robot monkey,


End file.
